Happy. New. Year.

On New Year’s Day, the majority of solvent adults in this country exhibit their hangovers with the coy pride of an elderly spinster showing old love letters to a young niece. There are a lot of us who believe that it is fashionable to disgrace yourself on this night, and the morning after we brag about the misery we purchased at clip-joint prices. It is my opinion that many of us are liars because when I was drinking I always exaggerated what happened to me when the toy horns were blowing because where I come from, steady nerves on New Year’s Day are evidences of poverty. Health on this morning is a sign you didn’t celebrate as you should, and personally, I can’t understand why you should go out and get loaded just because our civilization is a year older.

From “Sucker’s Night Out” by Jimmy Cannon for Esquire, 1949; Photo by Brigitte Tohm (@brigittetohm)

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