Wanted: A Magician Disguised as a Publicist

The ideal candidate for this (publicist) position will have had previous experience working as a magician. There is no finer point to make. As a publicist, you need to make magic happen. Magic. Every f*cking day. Come equipped with a rabbit and a top hat and a goddamn wand and get ready to wave it every Wednesday afternoon at approximately 4:00 PM. You will be given books to work on that have no possibility whatsoever of becoming bestsellers, and yet, the operating expectation is that all of them will list. Authors expect that outcome. Agents expect that outcome. Editors expect that outcome. Publishers expect that outcome. It’s as if they’re all smoking the same green-blonde hallucinogenic.

From “I’m looking to hire a publicist” by Paul Bogaards; Illustration by Jeremy Nguyen 

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